There is only one way to start this blog post, and that is by swearing.
fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.FUCK.fuckitty FUCK FUCK IT.
I am not sure how one can have a lay down screaming two year old’s supermarket tanty on the page, but I intend to try.
So FUCK doctors.
FUCK ‘BASTARD’, the haematoma
FUCK age , and insulin resistance
FUCK risks and statistics
And FUCK WASTING MY TIME with this crap.
There, that should do it.
Eloquent one day, Tourettes the next.
I LOVE that EVERY VISIT needs to start with the phrase “your baby is STILL alive “. Seriously . Is this the shittest pregnancy ever?
I LOVE the phrase , “the clot’s there, about 20ml, oh no, wait. Oh it’s ALL THE WAY up there. It’s about 60.”
I PARTICULARLY love the phrase “actually you may NOT get back to work, we’ll have to call that at about 20 weeks. BUT you’re definitely on bedrest for three more weeks. ”
Then as an aside: “and you’ll need a psychiatric assessment next time you’re in. You’re at a huge risk of antenatal and postnatal depression with the way this is going”. Excellent. This pregnancy lark just gets better and better.
I LOVE when hub-in-boots says “so at 16 weeks with no more bleeds we could relax?” and doc says “no. No at TERM you can relax. Maybe at 28 weeks, when it may be viable “.
This is proving to be a fun day. Why did we decide to do this again ?
“we’ll see you in three weeks , unless you get a bright red bleed or cramping first”. god I have so much to look forward to !
On the upside, (fuck, there’s an upside?), Gumby appears oblivious to its new “clot mattress”.
The other upside is, my situation is so shite I have given up on stupid pregnancy rules. I had a nice strong macchiato (first coffee since October and possibly the best thing I’ve tasted in months), a fresh juice in my friends’ deli, and an arancini.
Seriously? Sedate me now. Put me out of my fucking misery .
Pity party over. We will now return you to your normal viewing schedule. Move along. Nothing to see here.