Written on 30 January 2012:
I had this dream the other night about being in this rocky place that was all boulders and cliffs and narrow crumbly paths. I was trying to get from here to a lookout, and there were other people with me. We were in Kirribilli, Sydney, a harbourside suburb in Sydney, but like many dream landscapes, it didn’t look anything like Kirribilli. It was sort of an organised holiday, but badly organised.
We had a short time to leave our holiday tour, and go independently to this lookout on a treacherous hike. The lookout we were trying to get to was, we thought, across this big body of water. But when we got to where we thought the water crossing would be, there was only more paths and brown cliffs. It was strange. There were other people with me. I think hub in boots was somewhere there, but always behind me, somehow on the walk I was always alone. Alone, but with a couple, E & J from boxercise, (who in real life are 22 weeks pregnant as I write this we are 11 weeks).
When we got to the lookout I was with E & J, and there was this gully down to the left. In reality if we were really in Kirribilli, there should have been harbour views as far as the eye could see, and we would have been near the foot of the harbour bridge. But in dream landscape, there were these lush lush valleys of trees, deep rainforested plains, and off to the left this one incredible gorge. It reminded me of views you get from some of the lookouts up the Blue Mountains. It drew our eyes with water running down a rock wall, and like a little garden of eden it had all of these amazing green trees, every shade of green you could imagine. Where we were was hot, and dusty and rocky and dry – down below in this gorge was like an oasis of green cool.
Then E & J were gone, and I knew they’d gone to the gully, and somehow I was again alone, struggling to find my way through the rocky hot dry crumbling dangerous paths to the lookout I had just lost. I lost some of the sequence of the dream, but i remember thinking I’d never get there. I was so hot, and so thirsty, and so lonely. The walking was so hard. The path crumbled, my feet slipped.
Towards the end of the dream, suddenly, I made it. I thought I’d still be climbing, and I was there. The lookout was smoother, not as rocky as it had looked the first time. And there were the miles and miles of trees stretched out before me, and below and to the east, the gully. I could see it, and although it looked slightly different to the first glimpse of it, I knew I was going there, I was on my way to the gully.
I woke up with an enormous sense of peace.
Today 1 August 6pm (the horses birthday!)
E & J had their baby boy a little while ago (6 weeks?)…..and last weekend us and our Gumby reached full term. So I guess I’m at the lookout, looking towards that gully now. Geez that dream has stuck with me since I had it. On the worst days, I’d look back at this draft post I typed at the time, and I’d hang on to the mental image of that lookout.
A friend from work knows someone who gets “messages” about the future, often via bible verses. A ‘message’ was sent for me around the same time as I had the above dream, she sent a message to have faith that we’d make it, that we’d have our baby, but there would be more bumps and turns in the road. These turned out to be more hemorrhages and gestational diabetes diagnosed very shortly after the call. Then Wednesday last week, another message, this one stating Gumby would not need to be induced, he’d come soon, in his own time, and all would be well. Just like dreams, I am not sure if I believe in this sort of thing, but I also don’t actively disbelieve it. Sometimes this kind of insight can be comforting, if nothing else. I’ve thought about it a lot this past week.
And today, something started happening. Maybe it’s pre labour-y. Maybe it’s early labour. Maybe it’s just boring garden variety braxton hicks contractions amped up like a chinese olympic swimmer and I was just looking for an excuse to couch the f$%& out watching sport for the last 13 hours?! They might continue, they might change, they might fizzle out. They start low, they radiate upwards and around my hips to my back. They are often regular for hours at a time, but haven’t really “progressed” a great deal…45 seconds ish every 10 minutes. Crampier than braxton hicks, uncomfortable, some pressure, nothing major. I sent hub-in-boots to work, had a chat to the midwife at the obby’s office, and took it easy all day, hitting the contraction timer app on my iphone when I had the focus. (Can I just say the look on hub-in-boots face, and subsequent blanching as he lay in bed and heard I’d been timing for over 2 hours, was completely priceless? I should have taken a photo. I’m surprised he came home tonight instead of buying a one way ticket to La Paz).
We’re not quite sure what it is yet. A friend said this stage is like listening to a radio on a really low volume, so you can’t quite hear what song is playing…and he’s so right. But if I figure out the tune and start to sing along, I’ll be sure to let you know.