Mother of invention #1

New to the home shopping channel this week: the mother of all tongs.

These tongs are amazing. Made of cast aluminium, they have all the versatility of an opposable thumb, without the maintenance or brain space. Specifically designed for those tricky moments in a new mummy’s life when she finds herself stuck in a lounge chair, breastfeeding the new bub, with a lovely cup of tea, kindly made for her by hub-in-boots, placed ever so slightly beyond her breastfeeding reach.

As many new mums know, breastfeeding reach is in a semi circle with a radius of about two feet. Try to reach beyond that, and that hard earned fussy breastfeeding latch is lost, your baby will cry, his precious breastfeeding IQ will immediately drop, and he’ll refuse to re latch or settle for two hours.

In the advanced mummy stakes, many mums attempt to take advantage or their leg length and reach items with their feet. Naturally, if this is a hot drink, the chances of a good scalding are high. If it is the remote, you need good toe dexterity to grasp it or change channels.

You may think you don’t need these tongs. They are only $9.95 plus postage and handling. You may think that, until you find yourself stuck for twenty minutes with the remote control just beyond your fingertips and endless reruns of Australia’s funniest home videos accidentally on the tele. The psychological counselling alone could cost you hundreds.

Don’t let a mum you know be caught short. Get an extra opposable thumb. Order your pair of mother of all tongs today.

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