Notes to self

Note to self 1: when you message a photo of j man to your brother, if taken during a feed, stop and check that your boob is not in the photo

Note to self 2: after pissing yourself laughing about sending your bro a boob, & telling your husband about the epic fail, ensure hub-in-boots is crystal clear on which photo it was so he does not inadvertently email it on to all the ladies in his office

Note to self 3: if you’ve put the baby capsule back together after washing bits, and the harness is coming out of three places it is no longer a five point harness and you’ve probably made a mistake and may kill your child. Obey that nagging feeling in your head and unlike the “approved installation station”, inspect it thoroughly

Note to self 4: when you decide to go to a babes in arms movie session at the last minute and a feed is due, remember to wear nursing pads. Mmm circle work. Lucky it’s dark in there…..

Note to self 5: popcorn is not a breakfast food

Note to self 6: if it’s possible j-man will fall asleep on his feeding pillow during a feed, ensure you can a) reach the remote and b) don’t need to pee, first. That way being trapped on the lounge with him out to it on your lap won’t be quite so dramatic

Note to self 7: drinking red wine at speed whilst kicking the basinette with your foot may not qualify as a settling technique

Note to self 9: if your “bong toting binge drinking loudly arguing vomiting from above onto your balcony lets call the cops again neighbour” doesn’t show up with her newborn to your new mums group, try and avoid sharing your immense relief (and gory details) with other mums, in case she got the day wrong and is actually still coming in week 2….

Note to self 10: that is not fake tan on your newborn’s leg. No no. That nappy in act deserves its’ own dedicated post.


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