Mother of invention #6: time glue

The baby shopping network has an amazing product on offer today, invaluable to every mum and dad: time glue.

Long stretches of time are not a problem for parents. Time in fact becomes fragmented, chopped down, sped up. There is the 1 min and 35 seconds you have between sitting down to a meal and the first cry.

There is the three minutes of magic between putting baby down to sleep and him reawakening with gusto.

There is the 15 minute window where you can drink a glass of wine before you run out of time to shed it by the next feed.

There is the 4 minutes and 58 seconds of your favourite tv show before you need to jump up and put on or hang out teeny tiny washing.

There is the incredibly accelerated time between feeds, where life outside baby feeding is fragmented into very fast moving two hour blocks. This is sleep time, shopping time, transit time and housework time.

Many things in pre baby life do not fit into these small chunks of time. Life lived in tiny snatches can be exhausting.This is where our new product, time glue, comes in.

Time glue can take those truncated 120 minute sleeps, and stick them all together into one glorious 8 hour block. Time glue can remove those five minute dashes to the shower and turn them into an hour long uninterrupted soak in the tub.

That shopping trip you’ve been desperate to take can really suck when it takes 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back, leaving you with 1 hour 20 to shop, but time glue will stick those baby’s micro sleeps together into one glorious block of walking around with two hands free. You might use time glue to cook an actual meal from start to finish, or make and wait for it, drink a cup of tea while it’s still hot.

Some buyers have suggested they may use time glue to read an actual book or rekindle their love life.. What you use it for is up to you. Time glue is versatile, water and vomit proof, available in a travel size and ‘super economy god I want my life back size’. Get yours today…or continue to live life like one long impersonation of the road runner. Your call.