Mother of invention #7: the leaving the house board game

It’s a freaking lottery, leaving the house with a baby. Not that I’m ungrateful for my hard earned bundle of joy, but in absence of a degree in logistics, how does ANYONE leave home with more than one kid?

I love that all post partum follow ups have appointment times. If these professionals really got it, your appointment would read come sometime on Monday Tuesday or Wednesday. We understand you can’t do anything before 11, you need to be at home by 3, and anythingcould happen on any given day. Just try and come before the kid is two years old, k?

I’ve done more than one set of flow charts in my time analysing business’ internal controls, but these do not even compare to mummy flow charts. If anyone wonders why you’re a bit vague, you need a little peep window into your brain (kind of like the storm cover for the pram), that shows the number of”what if” statements required to achieve forward motion with a baby.

So here, for your leisure pleasure, is the Leaving the house board/bored game. It was going to be pretty colours, using some kind of auto shape drawing colour innerer software, but, then, you know, I had ten minutes over my latte in cornucopia cafe, the jman was snoozing and, well, lets just say this is the budget version. I am aware it is not possible to win, by the way. That will come in the deluxe coloured edition, where the secrets to leaving the house will be revealed. I am happy to incorporate suggestions in a subsequent version 2.0, so leave any other “leaving the house pitfalls” you’ve encountered, or indeed recipes for success, in the comments section below.

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5 thoughts on “Mother of invention #7: the leaving the house board game

  1. Kerstin

    I’ve already been dreading the moment I will have to leave my newborn babycave. Now I am terrified… I think I’m going to sacrifice my savings and bribe people to do house visits for the next 16 years or so…

    1. First time: terrifying. It does get a lot easier though. It’s kind of like leaving the house with a really expensive, unpredictable & complicated new handbag! Though I’ve not met many unpredictable handbags before….

  2. T

    All of the above meant you didn’t get time to express and your boobs are about to explode. By the time you’ve done that you need to repeat feed, nappy change etc finding yourself in a ‘never leaving the house’ cycle.

    1. I was in a “never leaving my mums house” cycle today.
      Need to pack car, wait til he’s asleep.
      Pack pack pack.
      He’s up!
      Feed!
      Change!
      Oh now I need a meal before I drive home.
      Crap! hes aSleep!
      Wake up !
      Too close to another feed to drive for an hour!
      Chuck on outfit! Change!
      Ummm…..

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