Because of past disasters with multiple casualties, a Poonami warning system is being installed in any child born in 2012 or later. Parents these days have too much multitasking going down to cope with unannounced disaster. The casualties are just too high.
The Poonami warning alarm will sound a “woop woop woop” when scientists predict a Poonami is approaching. All people in the immediate area should clear a margin of safety around the child, particularly when it has been observed that the poo level has got quite low in the past few days. This is a sign of an approaching Poonami. The Poonami is also likely to strike when in a social situation without a change table, fresh outfit or wipes. The Poonami may strike harder when meals have just been served, or when you are out with people trying to prove you can, indeed, have a life and a child. The Poonami can also be brought on by the wearing of a brand new, preferably expensive outfit, important appointment times or deadlines.
A red face and grunting may indicate the Poonami is approaching, however the true Poonami can often sneak up unheralded. There is no limit to the spread of a Poonami. The area and territory affected can be wide and multifaceted.
When the woop woop woop sounds, lay out a fresh disposable change mat, ready the wipes. Don gloves. Get odour killing equipment ready. Roll up your sleeves. Cancel social engagements. Stay in the safety of your home. Be prepared to throw out outfits. Yours and bubs. If you can, move to higher ground. In the event of a Poonami, remain calm. Remove all clothing towards the feet. Remove socks. Try to prevent spreading panic and poo by keeping limbs still.
The Poonami warning system: stay safe, be prepared.
note: the warning system has been developed after a spectacular one sided Poonami at mums n bubs boxing class in a park, involving a white hand knitted blanket, an expensive pram, a suit and jeggins, and a sleeping jman. The end.