Mother of invention # 11: the DGAFF circuit

The kids home shopping network is back; bigger and better than ever. This week on the kids home shopping network: the DGAFF circuit.

Now, the problem when you have a child, is that you cease to “give a f#%#” about things that should matter : your job, your finances, your own appearance, to some extent your friends, having a life as an individual, having a relationship with your partner outside of parenthood.

Then, there are other things you just can’t turn off. You give a f#%^ about housework like you never have before. You worry about balanced diets and regular meal times. You worry (and worry and worry) about leaving your precious little bundle with anyone. You worry about their development, about their education, about reading them stories and challenging them. You worry they are bored with you.

Now, for just three easy payments of $59.95 plus $1700 postage and handling, you can buy the DGAFF circuit. Just attach these handy switches to the back of your neck, and leave the house. Worried about that babysitter? Just flick that CHILDCARE circuit to “Don’t Give A Flying F#%^”, pop off to a bar, and order yourself an Aperol spritz. Has that housework got you down? Step away from the vacuum cleaner and flick that HOUSEWORK switch to DGAFF.

About to recommence employment and worried about your apathy? As you hit that peak hour traffic simply switch Housework, Childcare, Meals and Separation Anxiety to DGAFF, switch Personal Appearance and Career to GAF, and your day will run smoothly. Just a flick of a switch will have you caring all over again once 5:30pm hits.

The circuit set comes with six circuits, and additional modules connect in easily. There is a built in override, with a safety shutdown for those who believe they can have it all, and consequently have too many circuits flicked to the GAF setting. After all, we don’t want your head exploding, mum.

The DGAFF CIRCUIT. For those parents who are just tired of giving a f#%^. Order yours today.

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