TV

How do you get through two weeks of housebound in a two bedroom apartment with a one year old?

Tele.

Against all parenting manuals and intentions.

Tele.

Don’t worry. These will not be ongoing features of my parental landscape. But the whole “no screen Time for under twos” recommendations are about as realistic as me never eating chocolate. I mean, you know, sometimes we, crazily, like to watch the news while the jman is still up. Madness, I know. Sometimes, we have subjected him to Masterchef. Yep, we’re destroying his learning.

It’s that or melted brain mummy. Your call.

So here, for your viewing pleasure, are some key features of my viewing pleasure in the last two weeks of hand foot & mouth hell.

Angelina Ballerina

Angelina is a ballet dancing mouse. She likes pink.

I’m just gonna put it out there: Angelina’s a bitch. She is self centred, a prima Donna, narrow minded….all the things you want to encourage in a child.

Every episode has the same theme: 1. Project or challenge 2. Angelina thinks her ballet way is the only way 3. Angelina argues with people of difference 4. Angelina reconciles herself with the idea that difference is great and the world (of dance) is diverse and wonderful.

Oh, and her ballet teacher is scottish, and only has one top.

Next episode: Angelina’s a narrow minded bitch again.

Arthur

So the other day, right, as i lolled on the floor unable to walk for the sores on my feet from my darling baby’s sharing of hand foot and mouth disease, i I stumbled on Arthur. Arthur is an animated mouse (sensing a theme here?).

In this episode, someone did Arthur a favour.

Then a girl he knew convinced him this was terrible. She explained the concept of interest, and how the more favours you owed someone, the harder it would be when they came “to collect”. Arthur spent the whole episode stalking this guy, trying to return favours (when it wasn’t really wanted).

Sounds like a great lesson in compound interest and an excellent way of managing credit card debt. In terms of ways of modelling friendship? Yeah, slightly lacking. I kept waiting for the punch line, the gag, the friend saying “no no, true friendship is when you don’t expect them to pay you back “. No no, that was how it ended. Look out if your friend does something for you, you’ll have to pay them back. Wow.

We won’t ever be watching that one, jman.

Pokoyo

Putting it out there: I don’t care if jman wants to watch tele: I’m not missing Pokoyo. It’s funny, tongue in cheek, vaguely educational in a sarcastic way.

And I love sleepy bird.

Little princess

This cartoon is twisted and bloody funny. The little princess is a spoilt pain in the ass shocker. But I like her.

Julian cleary is one of the voices. That’s kind of all you need to know.

Most of her friends and family are barking mad.

The Wotswots / in the night garden

I was never big on things like the Teletubbies. The wotswots and In the Night Garden make about the same level of sense. I can’t stand shows with made up words about the tinkytonk travelling over the cloud land to see the wing wings. Give me a Spike Milligan poem anyday.

So imagine my surprise when, last week, Jman stood, absolutely cracking up at the Wotwots. And later, killing himself laughing out loud at a character chasing a spouting shoot of water around In The Night Garden. And this was on one of the Panadol-neurofen-Panadol-neurofen days.

Peppa pig

I love Peppa pig. I like the politically incorrect fat jokes about daddy pig. I like the stupid dinosaur obsessed little brother, I like the parents’ faults, and I think everyone should live on the top of a giant hill in isolation and fall over when they laugh. The narrator is funny. The end.

Postman Pat

I love the theme song. Then I tend to get bored. Except when there are highland coos in the way of the delivery.

Playschool

Play school is a wonderful Australian show. I loved it as a kid. Jman loves it. It is probably the one thing we may watch together most days (usually for 10-15 minutes). Jman thinks they are talking to HIM. He dances along, he laughs, we sing the songs and do the actions, sometimes while having an afternoon snack or late breaky in the high chair, or getting dinner ready.

Giggle and Hoot

These are hosts of the segments in between shows, a man child with a high pitched voice that spends a lot of time in his pyjamas, and an owl. It took me six months to figure out who was who. Hoot is the puppet owl. Giggle is the guy. I think.

Giggle is a bit annoying. Hoot is ok. I am not sure about the dancing broccoli.

Sesame Street

My other childhood favourite.

I’m still team Grover, not Elmo.

I don’t understand why other people can now see Snuffleufugus. They never used to be able to.

I love Oscar.

We watch this on days we don’t watch playschool.

Ben and Holly’s little Kingdom

Funny, yes. Tongue in cheek, yes, but becomes must view for the occasional tongue in cheek Thunderbirds references in episodes with “elf rescue”. These little postmodern grabs seem to go over Jman’s head, for some reason.

This week, I’m back to QandA ( political panel discussion), the Book show, and. The news. What a relief. Mostly.

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