Mother of invention #15: baby barometer

Oh the kids home shopping network has a good one for you this week, parents. We finally get our long absent product launches back on track with this week’s special treat.

Are you tired of waking up to an unforeseen crap day? Have you steeled yourself for another day wading through s%^t, only to find you have a little ray of sunshine? Is the unpredictability of life with baby just messing with your mind?

You need the baby barometer.

More accurate than any weather report, able to predict small babies in a single bound, the baby barometer will return a measure of control to your chaotic baby life.

Just before you retire for the evening, glance over the easy to read dials.

Forecoming low pressure system:
Cancel all plans, batten down the hatches, stock up on the baby Panadol. Under no circumstances should you go near a supermarket.

High pressure:
Make a coffee date, captain compliant has come to stay.

Poonami warning:
Don’t wear white. Wipes in every room.

Sunny with a chance of grizzle:
Continue with existing plans, but pack drugs, snacks, distracting toys and a dummy ( pacifier).

Red bull:
Your child will act like he has a secret stash of energy drinks in the cot. Which he didn’t share. Get him outside, early, and get physical. Continue until unconscious.

High Velcro warning:
Forget getting things done, forget babysitters, it was never going to work. Don’t fight it. You are doing everything one handed today, or not at all.

The baby barometer. Only $89.95 plus postage and handling. Get it now.

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