So on your dark days as a maternity leave mum, you think this will all be behind me when I’m back at work. I’ll feel better when I’m back at work. Like somehow you can slip on your old skin and you’ll be back to “normal” , but with a child after work hours.
I have to admit that even through my tears after leaving jman today for the first time, there was a slight lightening. A lift, a sense of things being simplified. A joy in jumping in the car, turning off the nursery rhymes and throwing on jjj in all it’s loud sweary glory at full bore.
And then I found myself driving along a road, announcing “bump!” As I hit speedhumps.
And I drove past a car accident, not going “bloody traffic” but going “ooooooh. Fire engine. Look at the lights ”
Wanting to point out a helicopter flying overhead.
Ooooh dog, woo woo woo woo. Bird! Ute. Truck. Bus.
Yep, it was awesome filling up the car with petrol without the in and out of car seat drama.
Yes picking up a quick take away coffee and standing to wait for it for two minutes without having to hold someone back from running out the door onto the road, that was relaxing.
I went to the toilet on my own.
But you will never be the same person again when you have a child. Nothing in the world looks the same.
Even when they’re not with you.