Truly toddler

Mmmm feta is nice. Thanks for the taste mum. “More feta?”

Mmm feta is nice. Yummy. “More feta?”

look at this squishy cheese. Look how squishy it is. See me squishing it? I’m going to break in half…and….see how it feels….if I put a piece up each nostril. Right up my nostrils . mum there’s cheese up my nostrils! It’s really uncomfortable! Do something!

Mum was good bringing me to the yard to see the helicopter land. It’s nice here on the water. I can see the rocks. It’s a bit rainy. Water. That’s rain. Rain is water. See my gumboot? How would it look on the rocks? There! Quite nice. I call it “rocky boot”. And sippy cup. Do they float? Yes. Yes, they do. Look! there it goes! Under the jetty. Why is mum mum all shouty? Huh?

Mum is good at climbing on rocks. She put my gumboots back on my foot.

Mum, “chair. Chair. CHAIR. CHAIR.”. Mum has a mouse. It is a mouse with a long long tail and clicky buttons and a red light underneath. I like mouse. I like to climb onto mums chair, sorry MY chair (all the chairs are mine), and play with the mouse. I like to eat sultanas while I do this. Mum gets shouty arm wavy sometimes when I do this. Mum likes me to play with my garage when she goes clicky click with mouse. But I like to help clicky click, eat sultanas, and colour in RIGHT NEXT TO HER. She gets very excited when I colour in her books and exams. SOMETIMES ALL THE PENS and crayons go away after this.

Then she gets tired of clicky mouse and says we can go walking. I like to take trolley walking. Trolley had a wheel that kept coming off, but mum fixed it with a spoon and a match. I’m not allowed to match. I am very selective about what can go in trolley. No one can touch trolley going down the stairs except me. If anyone touches trolley I have to sit down and cry very dramatically, so they realise it is very very important not to touch trolley.

Trolley and I have great adventures up and down the street. I sometimes take trolley to the shops with mum. Sometimes I take trolley to daycare, to grandmas house. In my car seat I pick trolley up and hug it.

I like emptying things. This week, I figured out two things. No wait, three things. Mummy says I can do conversations. She comes to get me after my nap and says “hello jman. How are you?”. I say “good! Dada home? Dada work? Dada drive blue car?”. If she asks me why are you whinging I say “drink. Sultana. More cheese?”. I bring mum the phone when it rings. I say “grandma? Hello! Hello? Ok. Bye”.

The second thing I learnt this week was my name. I know which one is my first name and last name, and I can say them both.

The third thing I practiced this week was tipping out. I am good at tipping out. Sultanas. Milk onto telephones. Food onto the floor.

I have also been asking mummy a lot about the garbage truck. It is my favourite thing. I can say “garbage truck. Garbage bin. Garbage man. Tip in”. We missed the garbage truck lots of times all the time lately. I asked and asked and asked. Mummy found one and we followed and followed him. I waved to the man. He waved back. I waved again. It was such a good day. I also got the helicopter gumboots sippy cup adventure that day. And I got babycino and arancini. I keep getting them mixed up when I talk, but I really like them both.

Mum said I am truly a toddler now. I turn 20 months old on Wednesday. I can say lots and lots and lots of words, mum thinks 300+, I don’t know what 300 is but I have been able to count to ten for a while and I count everything. Because I can say so many things I can always make everyone understand me, which means I don’t have to so the dramatic crying with my hands on my forehead too much.

My favourite tv show is In the Night Garden. I know all the character names and this is a problem because mum hates kids being into brands and is allergic to merch. Her and dada know all the characters too now. I think her and dada like in the night garden too. So she has never let me near a shop with macca pacca dolls because I’d probably lose my mind.

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Oh that’s the other thing I have learnt. I can unscrew things now. This is new and exciting. Today I showed mum how I could unscrew the vegemite jar. Things might be crazy this week…>

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Why Gen Y don’t have Choose Your Own Adventure books

So. I’m back at teaching. Week 3 done. Can’t believe it. The semester is flying by.

Despite me thinking this would be the I just can’t do this point, teaching across three campuses, teaching a third year unit and running a post grad unit, it’s been ok. The structure of a timetable is a welcome change, and there isn’t nothing like the impetus of a couple of hundred people sitting in a room waiting for you at 9am to get you out of the door on time.

I am busy. I am unable to look up from my desk or find time to pee busy. But it’s ok. It’s not as personally consuming as parenting busy. It’s hard, but the care factor isn’t quite what it used to be. I’m not as invested in it, and surprisingly I think that mostly this leads to me making faster better decisions.

Jman is settling into family daycare. He still cries on drop off at least half the time. I don’t cry on drop off anymore. That’s a welcome change.

I need to write a post about 19 months ( I missed the 18 month one).
I need to write a post about stupid first. Like first time he went missing. Yesterday. First time he drew on furniture. Today.

But first, Now that I am back in their faces each and every day, I need to write a post about why Gen Y does not have choose your own adventure books.

Choose your Own Adventure books were the ultimate re-read. You could read them thirty times over, and get a different story, based on the choices you made in the flow chart of the story.

Here’s Gen Y’s choose your own adventure: version 1.0:

You walk into a lecture theatre late, after having failed the prerequisite unit three times. You’re chatting on your mobile. Do you
A) hang up and apologise, explaining your nan is in hospital (turn to p.17)
B) continue the conversation, walking in front of the projection screens, wave to your friends, then noisily take a seat (turn to p. 19)
C) go home, you’re never going to pass an essay subject anyway (turn to p.21)

Page 17You’re so glad your nan is ok. You text 17 people about it and update your Facebook status. Your BFF lol’d about some of the things nan had said to the doctor. The lecturer asks have you done the work for this week. You say
A) no, it seemed kind of difficult, could you just summarise the big issues for me? (turn to p.28)
B) no, your favourite cafe had run out of soy chai latte mix and you just couldn’t think straight (turn to p.35)
C) I tried google, but got distracted by a video of a cat playing the bongoes (actually, just give up)
D) yes of course. I’m going to have 63 careers in my lifespan so I need to be on top of things (turn to last page, rock star )

Page 19

This lecture seems to lack direct relevance to you acquiring your next iPhone. You decide, instead, you’re going to do this subject the easy way. Do you
A) look up the special considerations policy, because rather than use your powers for good, you’ll get through it the back way (turn to appeals on p.50)
B) sign up to an internet paper mill during the lecture, that will complete your next assignment for $150 (can easy pay that with a day shift at the call centre… Turn to p.55) or
C) trust that everything will be fine because, seriously, the universe loves you (turn to sense of entitlement, p.58)

Page 58

Page 58 just has “SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT: the universe owes me and I’m AWESOME” written across the page in 50 point comic sans font.

The end.