‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through our flatsNot a creature was sleeping, despite hours of pats
We’d run out of loo paper, and coffee beans too
The presents were wrapped, though we’d lost quite a few
The children were jumping all Over their beds**
While reruns of Disney films danced in their heads
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
A carrot, a cookie and a big mug of beer
And though a kilo of prawns made me feel a bit sick,
I knew in a moment I must be Saint Nick .
I was dressed all in chaos from my head to my toes
When the empty threats started, and my temper arose
“I’m calling santa! He won’t be coming!”
I gesticulated wildly, sent them all running
On potty , on teeth, on bath, on no sweets!
On veggies, no soft drinks, and no tiny feets!
To the top of my game! And To the instructions?
Quick! To the bubbles, before the destruction!
I drank and I ate and I built and I slept
I watched bad Christmas carols, I almost wept
I had a round face, I felt a bit smelly
I’d cooked , and for trifle I had made the jelly
I was jolly and plump, from too many work parties
So I plonked on the lounge, and ate all the smarties
And I heard me exclaim, ‘ere I faded from sight
Christmas Eve, to parents, is a bloody long night.#
** we only have one child. But my husband was also jumping on the bed
# this is almost an entirely truthful & accurate depiction of our Xmas eve.