See the black cucumber? Well that’s my uterus apparently. Not the giant black thing on the left, the one right in the middle. In that cucumber, is an 8mm long embryo. Hooray! and Gumby has a heartbeat. From the second the magic wand went whoosh today, there was a little flickering light, very fast, very persistent. It was pretty cool to see. It probably is not as exciting if you didn’t grow up watching a 70’s television with bunny ears antennae that lost reception every 25 seconds. The picture quality was pretty familiar to a child of the 70s.
God I was nervous. I was so worried it would be a blighted ovum, an empty sac, a collapsed sac, ectopic. Anything but really real and going forward. I have managed to sleep the last few nights, in a patchy fashion, hard to think about anything else. My lack of symptoms were a sign things were wrong. My symptoms (cramping! dizziness! sleeplessness!) were a sign things were wrong.
I mean, I haven’t upchucked yet, but I don’t like the smell of bacon cooking. Or pork crackling. And the christmas pudding had me running for the hills (though I still managed to choke some down. Good work you battler). So clearly something isn’t right. It turns out I REALLY AM PREGNANT.
This is a cool thing.
Tonight we’re off out, and I (slightly) wish we were taking to our couch. We’re going to see Neil Gaiman, the writer, and a cool string quartet called Fourplay who do things like Metallica covers. It should be relatively low key. I have that “end of exams” feeling, that feeling like when you’re so incredibly relieved something is over you can’t even be happy about it. Just exhaustedly relieved. I thought about crying in the ultrasound, but I didn’t. I didn’t even look at poor hub in boots, who was up behind my head also staring up at the screen. Even Captain Optimism got the wobbles in the face of the actual room and the actual scan. He looked terrified, and went very very quiet. As the scan progressed I was so transfixed! Even with the magic wand stuck up my you know what while they had to change the paper in the printer. Ah it’s funny when the pragmatic intrudes on the profound. Somehow, I could see more than I thought today.
Bring on the expensive doctor with the 3D ultrasounds, which he emails to you from his room.
Even when the magic wand was doing its work, I was waiting for the doctor to say “but…”. The whole visit I was waiting for the “but….”. And all he said was you’re another step closer. Down to about a 20% miscarriage risk, from a previous 30-40%. Their booklet says 10%, but we’ve had the scan a little early because of his holidays. I can wear 20%. Just.
He’s very kindly given me a referral for another ultrasound in case I’m sweating prior to the Obstetrician’s visit. He said they normally offer weekly ultrasounds, but he’ll be away. It’s only 2.5 weeks until we meet our Ob, and I’m sure he’ll do a scan too.
Here is another angle, just in case you missed it.
Grover arrived for hub in boots at christmas and has been eagerly reading the “What to Expect when you’re expecting” book. He’s up to month 8. He has also read the “You’re pregnant too, mate” book, and enjoyed it’s male perspective on the whole pregnancy palaver.
As you can see Grover is keenly studying the ultrasounds and is quite glad Project Supergrover has lift off . He is quite insistent on my following a healthy diet, and so is cooking hub in boots and I some snapper and salad for dinner. After the celebratory two ferero rochers and a full leaded cup of tea (oh the craziness in this house. Will it ever end?).
Still finding it hard to believe there is something in there, something with a heartbeat hiding beneath those post christmas bulges. It’s an exciting time. And the nurse, Carmen, came out and spoke to us as we were waiting for the doctor to copy some tests, and said “I know it’s nerve wracking, but make sure you enjoy this time. And don’t panic about the symptoms. This is when your body makes the most changes. Not when you’re huge. Now. All the ligaments are stretching and everything is getting into place. This is the hard work part”. And she’s completely right. And I do want to enjoy it.
But feel free, at any stage, to punch me if I become a smug pregnant woman. Grover’s going to keep an eye on me too.